Familytale
by Stevethebarbarian
Summary: Just a cute story I wrote for fun, with Sans, Toriel, Papyrus, Frisk, Gaster, and Flowey living together on the surface. One-shot. Rated K because I don't remember exactly what was in there, but nothing serious.
"Asriel! Do you want to come with us?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, _don't call me that!"_

"hey, don't get grumpy, little guy."

"I swear to god I'll kill you in your sleep."

"better murderers than you have tried. hey, g, you comin'?"

" _ **Give me a moment, Sans. I'm in the middle of something?"**_

"gaster, you've been at that for hours now. are you honestly going to finish it today?"

"… _**No. I'll be right there. This can wait."**_

"SANS! GASTER! FRISK! ARE _ANY_ OF YOU COMING? I'VE BEEN WAITING IN THE CAR FOR ALMOST _TEN MINUTES,_ AND TORIEL DOSEN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT SNAILS!"

"It's true! Alphys and Undyne are already on their way there, and at this rate, they'll be ordering long before we arrive! It would be nice if we could get a move on. And Papyrus, shame on you! What's wrong with snails?"

Frisk gave a light smile in the direction that Toriel called from. They had had more than a few arguments with her over this particular point.

"Nothing is wrong with them, mom! Which is why we shouldn't eat them!"

"You eat burgers at Grillby's just fine, what is the difference with snails?"

"they're _vegetarian_ burgers, tori. but we really should be going. i don't want to run into undyne in a bad mood."

"I AGREE! THINGS WOULD BECOME MOST UNPLEASANT! GASTER, ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?"

" _ **I'm just wrapping things up! Give me a few moments!"**_

"so, flowery trashbag, you sure you don't want to come? because trust me, the eats are gonna be _great._ "

"I don't have a stomach, nor do I have a throat, nor do I want to go anywhere with someone who is just _waiting_ for an excuse to gasterblast me off the face of the earth. In fact, I would appreciate it if you just let me in the dirt so I could-"

"leave and collect seven souls in an instant? no way, buddy. i'm not about to allow that to happen."

"Well, to tell the truth, Sans, doesn't it seem like a good idea to let Asriel out of that pot every once in a while?"

"no."

Frisk sighed.

"Touché."

Sans put his hands in his pockets, looking over his shoulder to see if Gaster was coming or not. The enigmatic scientist was indeed on his way, so the skeleton turned his heel and strode outside, Frisk right behind him. Out in the driveway, Papyrus and Toriel were sitting in Papyrus' car, which was running.

"FINALLY! COME ON, YOU GUYS, WE'RE LATE ALREADY!"

"got it, bro. uh, gaster, you behind us?"

" _ **Yes, I'm coming!"**_

"GOODIE! SO EVERYONE BUT FLOWEY IS COMING?"

"Yep. In fact, almost all of our friends are going to be there… except Asgore."

Toriel frowned briefly.

"That poor, misguided soul. I wish he would come up here more often."

"ya can't really blame him for not liking humans. first time he came up here, they tried to arrest him for war crimes."

" _ **Humans**_ **can** _ **be illogical. No offence, Frisk. It's not his fault that he is the last surviving veteran of the war."**_

"CAN WE _PLEASE_ JUST GET ON WITH IT? I'M HUNGRY, AND I'M TIRED OF MY OWN COOKING."

Flowey overheard the loud statement and screamed from the back room.

"You're not the only one!"

Sans turned around quickly and flashed a furious eye in Flowey's direction. The soulless plant definitely recognized a threat when he saw one, and threats from Sans were not easily acquired, nor were they hollow. He knew if he said one more word, Sans would probably blast him to pieces. He shut up pretty quick.

Frisk looked at Papyrus, and noticed with some satisfaction that the skeleton hadn't heard the insulting comment. He had very selective hearing.

The entire group climbed into Papyrus' car, and while it was a bit cramped, they all fit.

"hey, you want me to just teleport there, maybe bring some of you with me?"

" _ **Don't bother, Sans. I'll just create a portal and bring us all there at once-"**_

Toriel looked disapprovingly at the two.

"No way. We're enjoying this drive, and it would be unfair to Undyne and Alphys to arrive first after they started driving so much sooner than us."

To this, Frisk raised an eyebrow.

"That dosen't make very much sense."

"Hush, child, of course it does. Now, don't worry, any of you, we'll be there in less than thirty minutes, and, truly, who could not enjoy driving with Papyrus."

Sans and Frisk both wondered if she was being sarcastic. If she was, she was doing an excellent job of hiding it.

"uh, yeah, my bro's a great driver. let's just sit back and enjoy the ride. … … **watch the road, bro!"**

Papyrus spun the wheel just in time to avoid swerving into another lane and crashing head-on into an incoming car. Sans let out a sigh of relief. He had been instants away from using telekinesis to hurl the oncoming car out of the way. God. Why did Grillby have to set up his new diner _so damn far_ from where Toriel had set up shop?

"Hey, um, Sans…"

The skeleton glanced in the direction that Frisk had indicated.

"oh, boy… blackadder! get back home! grillby doesn't allow pets!"

Following behind the car, about fifty yards behind, to be exact, was Blackadder, one of Sans' gasterblasters that evidently experienced some severe separation anxiety.

"hey! couldja just stay back, please? i promise i'll bring ya a doggy bag! c'mon, girl, this is not the time."

Papyrus laughed at Sans' fruitless attempts to get the gasterblaster to head home.

"YOU KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT ANIMAL PSYCOLOGY, SANS! I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE! BLACKADDER! HEAD HOME RIGHT NOW! THAT IS AN ORDER- FROM THE _GREAT PAPYRUS!"_

At that moment, as if "The Great Papyrus" was some sort of code, the blaster put it's head down dejectedly and flew home.

" _ **Hm. Impressive. I will have to figure out how you do that."**_

"IT'S SIMPLE! I DO ONE HUNDRED PUSHUPS, ONE HUNDRED PULLUPS, ONE HUNDRED SITUPS, AND WATCH TEN EPISODES OF THE _DOG WHISPERER_ EVERY SINGLE DAY! WITH THAT ROUTINE, I BECAME THE ULTIMAE ANIMAL PSYCOLOGIST!"

Sans simply chuckled at Papyrus' confidence, completely oblivious, as was everyone else present, to the joke. Undyne and Alphys would have loved it though. Papyrus realized that, and kind of wished that he had saved it for them.

Oh well. They would be there before long, anyway. Perhaps he could think of another one.

"so, kid, what do ya think about grillby's finally coming to the surface?"

"It sounds great. I'm positive he'll have much more business now, as soon as people get used to the fact that he's… made of fire."

" _ **I agree. Grillby is an incredible cook, a great bartender, and an excellent businessman. It brings me great displeasure that I have been unable to make his acquaintance more often."**_

"I AM NOT A BIG FAN OF GRILLBY, HE ALWAYS SEEMS KIND OF GRUMPY. BUT-"

"paps, to you, _everyone_ is a bit grumpy."

"YES, BUT GRILLBY JUST SEEMS TO NOT BE VERY FRIENDLY ALL THE TIME. AND _AS I WAS SAYING,_ HE IS A GOOD COOK. NEARLY AS GOOD AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS!"

"ok, bro, ok. i wasn't trying to get **under your skin."**

Papyrus' jaws formed a faint smile.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, SANS. IT GOES RIGHT _THROUGH ME."_

Frisk didn't know Sans' smile could get that big.


End file.
